January 22, 2010

after that incident
the next day
nobody tries to talk to me..
i mean them...

i felt like i'm so alone in this HUGE WORLD
i want to end my life...

then during our Recess time
i went out, walking around our school
then i saw Dwy and Celline
they try to talk to me
then even at that least moment
i laughed and smile...
but its still painful to smile if you still have that sadness...

then i went to the classroom again so that we can resume our classes

then Lunch again, i went out and walk for a little while
i saw Hayah and Jessica
they talked to me...
well, they comforted me for awhile
then they left me...

i went back to the classroom and was quiet all the time...
until Club Hours has come...
as i went to the my Club, i felt MORE PRESENCE of being Alone...
and i cant stand it
so i went outside again...
i want to cry
but i cant find the reason for me to cry
so i just stay at the canteen and covers my head

then i thought that maybe its time so i went up again
so that we can practice for our preparation in our show..
i was quiet all the time until it was finished...

so i went down and tries to look for Kaye
i saw her
then i told her about it
but i cant keep my emotions anymore
so once again
i cried again...

i cried so hard that i want to shout...
it was 1 pm at that time...
i want to go to that particular place
so i waited for 2 hours...
until i saw my friend Ivan...

i ask him if does he hate me
he says kind of
because what you did was really wrong
then i told him
well what can i do
i was like INSANE on that day
then he said
even so, you still dont have to say that
then i cried...
then he tells me something that
if i just apologized to them and didn't really mean to say it
they will accept my apology
then i cried so hard
cause i thought i can't do it!

so i walked out and cry while riding on a car.
then i went to that particular place.
as i went there
he wasn't there yet
so i waited for a little while until i saw him...
as i saw him and was about to say my problem
i cried so hard and sit down...
then my old friend saw me...

i explain all to them to those who listened...
they said

they are not the only friends that you have
there are still many more.
so there's no need for you to cry.

then i said

but they are my most special friends...
i dont want to lose them..
then they said...

well, just apologize to them
but if you cant then dont apologize.
its just that easy y'know...

then i kept quiet and let my red crying face fade...
then after awhile
i thought

-sigh-
just as i thought
they will be there for me just for that time
then they will left me behind..
well thats okay
at least they listen to my story...

so i went home and thats all for today...

Labels: My Feelings