hey~~ today's our final defense in Feasibility and guess what, we're the first!
which made me nervous when it was finally our turn! good thing, it went.. uh...? okay? ...
i can't say it went smoothly tho so yeah. okay

anyway before that, my mom woke me up early. i really do plan to wake up early because i want to eat my breakfast at Mcdo. but then, cuz i was too slow, i went to school by 6 something a.m already ==" which sucks cuz it made me hungry. good thing i bought some food tho just in case i couldn't. :3
sad thing is, i didn't bought any money. so i had to borrow money from my friends. =="

i was wearing this kinda skirt thingy and a blazer. my friend said it looks great. those clothes are from when i was in 5th grade in abroad. during cold... nah. let's call it winter. During winter, we wear blazers at our school. :3 obviously, to reduce our bodies from being cold. so yeah.. good thing it still suits me. and for the skirt.. ugh.. hard to breathe. good thing i was able to handle it. *A*

so feasibility finally started and yeah as i said earlier, it was okay. and anyway, according to Roberta, i did well but it was obvious that i was nervous even though i only had few lines. right after that, i went straight to our classroom and took my packed lunch. *A* i was so hungry. then as i came back there, i chatted a little with some of the guys in section b.

so yeah~ finally done.
i talked to my friends a little too.

oh and funny thing, these girly girls from Section B are talking about my friend, William, cuz he's taking a picture of Zindi using my camera. Reine told me about it too and i just laughed and told her it's my camera and he probably thought that i like Zindi and he took some photos of her for me. :3
Zindi's so pretty you know~ maybe i'll post a picture of her next time. uwu Cleo too. ♥

after our Feasibilty btw, we had our lunch and resumed to our petiks classes which are Speech and C.A.T. i ended up wearing our Wash `n Drive t-shirt and our school skirt. :3 cuz it's so hot.. really. then we went to speech lab. they were teasing someone.. it's.. uh.. ==" Megumi. cuz she had a.. dark... yeah that.
LOL Ver John whatdafuq are you doing.

that guy's so funny. XD
so then that's it for today. finally it ended

Labels: EVENTS

well i just wanna say that...
for some reason i want to ignore my friends.
but no.. i wasn't really uh... intending to do that but.. ==" my gut feeling says that i should stay put.
so yeah.

today was such a sad day.

oh and... i noticed that from time to time.. my friends would... well... i notice my friends.. happy with their new lives. while me... ha. do i even really exist?
funny tho, i dying never crossed my mind. really. *smiles a little* does that mean i'm improving in life?
just a while ago i thought i don't want to make any friends.
that was my purpose on my 3rd year in HS. i don't plan on making bonds with anyone because i don't want to treasure anyone. good thing i did. but now.. on my last year in HS... graduating soon. my precious friends they're... vanishing.

i sometimes wonder if it's actually me who has the problem and because of me... i become depressed. but then... you can't blame me. i'm such a sad, lonely, awkward, boring... not so interesting person.

i seriously wonder how i manage to have online friends.

Labels: My Feelings

hey dear blog. it's me again.
well.. i just wanna tell something. i've always noticed this. because ever since we had a new sitting arrangement, it became my hobby to silently observe my friends. and so i'll share what i noticed.

i'm sure that i've stated this on my previous post but then i'll repeat.
my friend william, he had new friends. he's happy with his life. he passed UST and he usually hangs out with Jam than us. before well.. we're usually together. and no, i'm not jealous. hmm.. tbh i don't know. maybe not really jealous but i just feel sad.
and sometimes whenever i hang out with them (him & jam) i feel liek a huge third wheel. whenever they're talking and i find something funny, i just laugh but i don't talk that much. i feel so.. extra.

then my other friend, Clariz and Jigs. they get along a lot. my friend Clariz well.. she usually and mostly talks about USUK and in every time we talk, there won't be a time in where she won't mention USUK. i really find it.. well not annoying. and not tiring but hmm.. ==" dunno the right word. but that i want to say is that, how can she do that? sticking to one fandom forever. i'm not like that. and she mostly hangs out with jigz cuz of their yaoiness. plus they make fanfic together. and once again.. i'm another huge third wheel. this makes it the 2nd row.

so my conclusion?
my friends.. doesn't feel like my friends anymore. whenever we're complete.. they usually just talk and sometimes (i think) they don't know i'm with them. i feel so alone and left out.
is it because i'm a very boring person?

and another conclusion?
no such friends lasts forever. i'm better off alone.

Labels: My Feelings

hey hello again! :3
my previous post sure is my 1 month summary of my life. :3
good thing it's the only thing that happened so far. :3 i want to keep my memories too.
i think i have this disorder in where i forget things happen. liek.. i have no idea why and when did it happened. but oh well still not sure. it's just a feeling i get.

anyway this post will be all about my feelings.
ever since we had our new sitting arrangement, i realized how alone and lonely i was.
now that William has new friends. (oh and he officially passed his USTet results that i cried for him. it's a mixture of happiness and jealousy.)
and Clariz and Jigz.. they're.. they get along together. i always feel liek i'm a third wheel in their friendship. sigh.. even tho they're saying that we should stick together, it feels liek i'm not really part of them.

then William.. he found new friends. he's close with Jamello. i even told him (jokingly) that i'm jealous. ==" but really it's a joke. LOL he even pushed me.
what i want to say is that it feels liek my friends are slowly going away. i'm very much aware that friends don't really last. tbh i find it funny when my friends suddenly blurt our their future ideas of use living together, having fun. and me, inside of my brain, kept saying that's so not gonna happen.

one time, (well this was Thursday, Feb. 21, 2013) my friend William told me that Jomar invited him to hang out with them and said its cause they're his friend and William was so funny. WIlliam said something that made me cry (i kept on holding it for a while but then it just POOP) so yeah i cried. i realized how lonely i was when i have such few friends.

i also find it hard talking to Nicole. it's like.. she's a stranger that i have to deal with. besides she.. probably doesn't care about me anymore. after what we've done to her.

i'm so conscious about having friends, grades, about my loneliness and stuff that it makes me more sad. when suddenly i thought i don't want to make friends anymore. i don't want to make myself sad anymore. i don't want to be lonely anymore...

so yeah. i just want to tell cuz.. yeah.

Labels: Extra:, My Feelings

hey bloggie. :3 it's been a while. :3 i want to summarize my 1 month long absence here. :3

right after our exams, last January, so it's finally the 4th quarter.
i also had my first tears and guess what, it's because of the sad fanfiction that my friend let me read. it's about Russia who died.

anyway... after our exams well yeah i had my hair cut. then i was absent that Monday. then Tuesday would be our retreat. i was the earliest that time and Moises was the first one to see my new hairdo and it's really ... embarrassing.
then my friends yeah yeah so it they said it looks great. ==" then retreat. nothing much happened for me cuz.. i was a little disappointed at the place. it's small and.. yeah small.
night life was boring too oh uh..
we had this sharing where the make us cry. i wasn't supposed to cry but i ended up crying cause of embarrassment. they laughed at me when i said i decided to save my dog rather than myself. i was so serious when i said that but they just laughed at me. like whatdaheck. so then, i was pissed the whole night.
Nicole also apologized to us but as for me, i find it really funny. cuz.. Clariz was so.. plastic.
before we slept tho, we shared a little scary stories then yeah, slept at 2am.
and my friends.. well.. it seems they enjoyed theirs. ==" not ALWAYS letting me in the fun.
then after that, a mass then off we go to school. as i went home, i used the net and had a rest. i went to school on the next day and that's when i realized that maybe that's how it is in a all girl's school.

oh and i also heard Jerome watching porn during their time as all boys lol.

anyway, few days after the start of our 4th quarter, we had a new sitting arrangement. and i got far away from my friends. that's when i also noticed how my friends suddenly adapt to their new sitting arrangement. as for Clariz, she's fine on her sit. Jerome and Jigs still sits together which annoys me a lot. William.. he found new friends.
and me... alone. good thing Charle's a nice guy and does all the talking. :3 we would cheat together too.

few days after that too, i noticed Megumi kept on hanging out with us just cause of her fight with her friends and i'm liek "omg what should i do with you? it's not like it's my problem anyway."
then another thing, Marvin started chatting with me too when i just asked him what's his problem. after that very incident HE STARTED SITTING NEXT TO ME EVERYDAY ESPECIALLY WHEN MEGUMI'S ABSENT OMG! i don't want to hurt his feelings that he annoys me now that he keeps talking his love life, friend problems to me. tho i don't mind cuz i also get to hear some news. but oh well.. i have to deal with it.

we also started having our NAT review and that's when it happened. Marvin sat beside me and asked how am i. i looked at William and asked for SOS then he suddenly told to Marvin that "hey, she doesn't want to sit with you." then i'm liek OMG WHUT!? DON'T HURT HIS FEELINGS. and i think ever since that day, he doesn't sit right next to me that much anymore. i seriously felt sorry omg. and for some reason it's also a little good thing, but still it makes me feel sorry. i apologized to him tho. :3
then Monday, he told me if i find him annoying so i told him the truth that i find it weird. then he stopped hanging out with me, or telling me his stories. :3 oh well.

the same thing happened to Megumi too. our adviser suddenly find it annoying the fight between Megumi and her friends. then all problems solved... for me. :3

Then what else? we had our graduation pic. AND OMG! THIS HAPPENED FEBRUARY 14, 2013, VALENTINES DAY!! *A* it's our graduation and creative shot pic. UGH OHMYGOD TT^TT
i wore this kinda cute clothes in front OF MY CLASSMATES AND I'M LIKE "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!"
they kept telling i'm so pretty or whatsoever. i dunno if it flatters me but as far as i know, i don't like it cuz i'm not used to it! TT^TT especially when it's my turn already! TT^TT MANY OF MY CLASSMATES ARE ALREADY THERE AND OMG HOW EMBARRASSING //creys
they're all looking at me..
i even remember someone who's simply looking at me then i told them to not look but then ended up looking. that this person even transferred and omg i won't tell anymore.
then after that i changed it public. ==" for my skirt LOL. i'm wearing shorts so no worries!

ugh... i would've totally understand it if it's a convention or it would've been a lot much better if i'm alone there.. //creys.
anyway after that, my friends and i celebrated valentine's day together.

then Tuesday... March 19, 2013. our class picture. fast as lightning `ya. i didn't even noticed we're already doing it. and LOL during math time i think? or CLE? Ver John sat next to me, and i can hear him talking to Charles, making fun of what happened during the class picture LOOOL i can't stop laughing even tho i'm not included in their talk. IT'S JUST SO FUNNY I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. i hope they don't mind.
then i think during Math time? LOL I KEPT ON COUGHING OMG THAT'S EMBARRASSING! he even said that i'm gonna die already. LOL

then uh what else? today?
today's our last NAT review. Economics.
we.. cheated. TT^TT
and Jigs was very embarrassing today. ==" that's all i can say. :3

so yeah. :3

Labels: 1 week of Memories..., EVENTS, Extra: