Goodbye

Moment of my Sadness has been revealed....

POSTED ON Thursday, January 21, 2010 AT 5:55 PM \\

at our COMPUTER CLASS
i was kind of feeling weak and my neck really hurts...
then i went to our place then i talked to my best friend. i mean close friend...

i was feeling down...
then i told her

"You know, you're really... nevermind..."

then i thought that maybe i'm drunk...
so i already said it...

"You know, you really annoy me... i really hate you, You, Paolo, Marc and Clariz. I tried to curse you all, all of the people who are alive. I want to kill them. And that includes the 4 of you. I really hate you since on that day. You we're always making me feel alone, you always left me behind. Its like im a shadow to all of your eyes. I really want you to die! All of you... Remember the email that i send you? I did that cause i cant say it in Personal, im too afraid cause even though i really hate you so much, i still try to be friends with you. Cause im too afraid to be alone. I cant take this loneliness anymore thats why im saying this to you... I really hate you, i wish you will die soon..

thats what i said...
then i suddenly cried when i said those words...
then she said

"Is thats what you think about us? Well, its okay. So stop crying now. And you know im Happy that you tell me that."

"You're happy? i bet your sad cause i feel that way from you...."

"No, why would i be sad. Well, you already said those things. You cant take it back anymore."

"Remember the day when i was bullied when i was in 5th grade? I thought that im such a kind girl to forgive them like that easily. But actually, i kind of still hate the one who started it... i cursed that person.... and i really hate her..."

Then i cried so hard again...
i cried so hard until the Computer subject is done.

as i went down, some of the high school student saw me...
they said my face is so red, and its pretty obvious that i just cried.
then my old school mate saw me and was surprised that she saw me crying.
she ask me why am i crying....
i cant keep it up so i just cried so hard again...
then i told her the reason why im crying...

then after dismissal..
i went down...
then Dwy and Celline saw me they thought i cried cause i loss my favorite anime show or i lost in the Damath game...
then again...
i cant keep my feelings so i just sad and cover my face then i cry so hard again...

i told them about my HATRED towards them.
To Paolo, Marc, Clariz and Kathy...

then my adviser saw me crying..
she ask me why, but i didn't tell her...
she said that i should tell about it tomorrow...
then i agree with it...

i stayed in school for i guess 1 hour to let my red crying face to fade.
then as i went outside...
i saw Goldie, she ask me why am i crying then i said its nothing.
but she dont believe me then she ask me

"Would you like to talk about it? or maybe tomorrow?"

"Lets talk about it now, so tomorrow it will be gone"

so i talked to her...
once again...
i cried...

she said dont worry about it...

then i told her

"But you're also leaving me sometimes... All of you... thats why i hate you all"

then she pats me..

we went to the gate and talked for a little while...
then i thought

i bet she dont care about me, Clariz doesn't really care about me at all

I looked a in the sky and i want to cry again..
then Goldie suddenly said

"You know, Ruth said that Clariz was about to cry so they sang a song for her so she wont cry."

"So does that mean she's sad about it?"

"guess so"

then we watch the volleyball then after awhile
Goldie left me and went to Clariz.
Then she suddenly cry...
while she was crying, i was singing...
i lovely yet lonely tune..

they we're about to leave, all of them
so i just left too...

then i thought

i still dont want to go home yet. i want to spend a little more free and quite time

so i decided to go to the Sunny Villas

so i went there then as i went there
i saw my old friend.
i told him not to tell about my little brother that i went here...
so he just did...

then i walked around then i saw my old friend again.
i told him that i haven't seen him for a year
then someone said

your face kind of change...

then i just smile...

then i went to the court then told him about my sad feelings
that i just went there to kill some time...
so after awhile
i went home already...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

i really feel lonely...
im so sad that i just tell her about it...
i wish that it didn't just happened...
i wish that i just didn't hurt their feelings....

-cries so hard-

i just really wished that i just smile that revealing my real feelings..
i'd rather smile and hide my whole sad feelings than

hurting them...
i wish that i just smile...
even though its very tiring and painful

-cries so hard-

i'd rather disappear than them knowing about it..

or

i'd rather be alone than them to know the whole truth....

what should i do?
-cries so hard-

Labels: My Feelings