hello dear bloggie~~ :3
i forgot to update yesterday cause i was watching stuffs. :3

anyway Yesterday was such a sad day for me.
so let's start~~ :3

i woke up, assuming i would be late. but no~~ i just got in time~~ :3
then AP.. hmm.. it's really easy to be honest. what's hard is that the graph thingy. it'll take you a lot of time.
then English~~ it was easy too. though i'm not saying i'll get perfect grades. just saying i think i at least pass.

anyway during recess.. i was soooo hesitating to go to the HetaDay.
i said i'll go but when Clariz told me she won't be renting my wig i was so sad. DAMN.. i'm being greedy.
fuck fuck.. =="
so then i told her i won't be going anymore.

then dismissal, i said i'll go. LOL
right after we're dismissed, Clariz ran awei~~ i told her to wait for me. When we reached Mcdo, we saw Aura. then THEY HAVE TO LEAVE ALREADY!! *A* i was so worried about Nicole so i told them i'll leave behind and wait for Nicole~~
so there, i was at Mcdo. then when i looked at my uniform i suddenly remember my flash disk!! *A* I RAN AWAY AT MCDO AND IMMEDIATELY WENT TO SCHOOL!! *A*
then T.Lizel's not there.. FUCK!! *A* I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITHOUT MY FLASH DISK!! *A*
FUCK FUCK FUCK!! *A*

oh but i guess it's okay.. :3 i saw him durr~~
sigh.. for some reason it's making me sad seeing him. wae iz zat?

//cough
anyway~~ Nicole finally came out. :3
then i told her if we should still go.. [to be honest i just wanna attend HetaDay cause i wanna roam around at Makati]
but then we both got lazy... my poor stuffs.
then we're supposed to go when Suddenly Nicole said to talk to her other friends for a little.
so then i agreed. and from that point i knew they'd go invite her out. i thought she'd rather spend some time with them than me. and so i was right.

i was a little sad when i heard Xandrah said "You won't be going anyway so come with us!"
so sad i feel alone.
then Nicole asked me if i want to come with them, i said of course not. cause ... they're not my friends FRIENDS. u get what i mean..?
then she told me He'll be there too~~ and Roberta.
i know.. i wanna hang out with Roberta but.. i don't wanna be liek.. uh... how do you say it..? wallflower? liek that? yes yes. that's right. :3
i also wanna see him too.. but oh well.

anyway i told Nicole that she should hang out with them. i don't want her to be bored just being with me. i mean.. i don't usually talk a lot. i do all the listening. and i don't want her to think of me that way..
so i told her she should go with them. but she also kept saying she wants to hang out with me.
i know this is bad of me to think this way but.. i suddenly thought she's just saying that to make me feel better.
sigh.. this is bad. i hate this kind of feeling..

oh oh~~ wait lemme add this a little~~ cause i was wearing contact lens, he said my eyes are pretty~~ *////*
probably cause of the contacts.. sigh.. he smiled at me.. i.. sigh..
i was kinda happy about that but.. i'm too sad to be happy

anyway back to the real topic, so yeah. I Told Nicole she should stay so i stood up and just walked away.

[i even remember accidentally telling them that "I don't wanna force myself to come with you. It's because they're your friends and they're not my friends"
it popped out to my mind that Elisa heard what i said.. i feel sorry but its what i really feel... they're not really that my friends but.. just a classmates]

to be honest i was about to cry. i was feeling so sad... as in soooo sad i wanna cry.
i realized how lonely i am...
i even thought she of all people should know... they're my only friends and what would happen to me if i was left alone? i'll be nothing.

so then yeah.. i cried a little. CAUSE OF ARLEW!! =3="
she saw me being so sad and cause of that i just can't stop myself..
i even saw Carlo, Charles and..? who's with them..?
and i thought aren't they supposed to be with Xandrah...?

anyway i rode a jeep... Arlew said i've been crying a lot these days.. and i think she's right. i must be so lonely. then i told her i'll just eat so that i won't be depressed. and yeah i did eat.
i ate at Mcdonalds.

after that i went home. AND BAD LUCK!! NO ONE'S HOME!! I DON'T HAVE MY KEY!!
SO I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO STAY OUTSIDE!! *A*
and cause i was so bored i did a lot of random things.
i recorded a short video about my fingers doing adventures.. LOL
and the quality was so good~~
and at that time.. i was sooo calm i didn't smashed our gate. cause usually i'd do something just to get inside.
been there outside the whole time for 5 hours..
my neighbors we're asking help but i rejected them.. why am i rejecting someone's help.. ==" that's so selfish.

then after Teru peed on my skirt.. ugh.. i changed clothes. luckily i bought clothes.
so yeah, i changed in public. OF COURSE I HAD MY SKIRT ON SO THEY WON'T SEE ME WITH MY SHORTS!! then my upper uniform..? i just put on the black t-shirt so it's really hot.. =="

then i went to FCM ate at chowking AND DAMN ALREADY SO FULL!! *A*
i went back home and MY MOM'S STILL NOT THERE! *A*
getting impatient already so i just draw~~ kyaa~~ my drawing looked like Syaoran-kun~~
must be because i was reading TRC that last night~~ :3
i miss CLAMP-sama..

then almost night time i saw a small shadow.. that's when i have confirmed its my mom!!
DAMN I WAS LIEK RAAAAAAAAAA GAAAAAAAHHHH AT HER!! *A*
i was so tired that i just lay down on a sofa just wearing shorts and a sando~~
so fresh yeah~~ XDD

then twitter~~ i have wasted my 5 hours outside.. i should have tweeted, watched Adventure Time, my downloads should have been finished... ugh. not having a cellphone really is such a pain. so hard to communicate. =="
anyway at twitter, Nicole apologized to me. she kept apologizing... ugh.. i really hate it when someone kept apologizing especially when i already forgot about it.
seeing that made me wanna cry but i tried my BEST again to not to.
i really wanna tell her to just shut up but i don't wanna be harsh on her so i said it a nice way. [i think?]
she should just forget about what just happened.

so for that day.. i'm not mad. just sad. and i'm not jealous. just sad.
i understand the fact i'm a nobody. my existence is below zero and noticed but few.

hey hey~~ i'm not being dramatic. i'm just saying what i feel. it's up to you if you think of it that way.
it's just annoying on how they easily judge you [WHOA!! LOOK WHO'S TALKING!! XDD]
uhm.. sorry. i always do that too~~ LOOL
i guess i'm below the belt sometimes but.. sorry.
i won't talk anymore. it's scary. i don't wanna be hated..
plus i don't even think if i really know who i am.

anyway that night... LOL William and I (at twitter) WE'RE BEING LIEK SUCH SCAREDY CATS!! UGH!!

lol that's it~~
i'm okay this way.
i guess i just have to change.. i have to fix my attitude but.. URGH!! HOW CAN I!? I DON'T SUCH STUFFS!! I'M SO STUPID! THE ONLY THING I KNOW IS ANIME!! I;M NOT EVEN A FAN OF KPOP! I DON'T WATCH CARTOONS MUCH TOO CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE CABLE!! I DON'T WATCH THOSE GLEE SOMETHING OR AMERICAN SHOWS!! *A* DAMN!! WHAT'S UP WITH MY LIFE!!!

ugh.. sometimes my life's so annoying i wanna die.
but nope~~ i said i won't suicide. and no~ i didn't promise. i won't make such a promise. i want to make a bow at my words. yes yes.. i wanna be true.

so that's it~~
yesterday was such a sad day and bad day ANNNNNDDD~~ not a good start for my sembreak.
i even think we won't be watching Wreck it Ralph.. i.. just wanna spend some time with my friends.
wow.. thinking about it again makes me wanna cry.
i'm being such a crybaby that it's annoying. please.. i don't wanna cry anymore.
i should suppress my feelings. or was the word i used even right? LOL

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