Heya~~
this post is.. feelings. :3
so anyway~~
you know (WHOA AM I TALKING TO!?)

these past few days i've been noticing a lot of things.
Long quizzes are coming then exams. after that, our 2nd semester is about to end. SEMBREAK! :3
then 2 semester more then we'll finally graduate.
sigh...
now that i mention about Graduate... it kinda make me sad.

anyway.. i notice i've been posting my daily life here and no more space for my personal feelings anymore.
(maybe i should fix this)
i made this blog anyway to, you know.. my personal life and feelings. private stuff.
and i don't like what's going on.

but that's not what i really wanna say anyway.

i don't know if i've been so sad these days or just being.. oblivious about such.
i had this friends whom i think i care about. i won't refer them as best friends though. it hard to say such things.

anyway here's what i wanna say.

i am very much aware that i'm a loner. or like a person who only has few friends and just them. i don't talk much too. but i can be really prank too. but these days.. i think i'm not being honest.
and it's kinda sad because i really wanna shout out. but i don't want to hurt their feelings anymore.
and i'm not being dramatic. this is what i really feel. i just feel that, we've been getting away from each other.
i don't want things to be.. uh..? i dunno how to say the exact word but what i'm trying to say is that i don't want it to be worse.

i care about my friends (i think) ugh! i'm such a cruel person!!
i don't really know if i'm honest or what, but right now i dunno what i feel about my friends.
i love my friends, sure that is. but i also don't want to hurt my friends. it's like hurting myself too.
and seriously.. i don't want that thing to ever happen again.
you see~ i can't stand being alone (i think i can.. but..)
i just don't like it whenever someone hates me.
must be because i was used to be bullied and that threatened me. ever since that time, i don't want others to hate to. so i don't talk much.
so many few friends.

and right now.. i've seen these.. stuffs. and seeing those stuffs made me thought i wasn't the only one who thinks that way. when i heard about it i really wanna cry but i tried hard to not to.
i've always thought maybe it was only me all along.
and for some reason, the burden became light but.. no. it's still such a sad feeling.

oh and i remember.. back then was so much fun.
i wonder.. maybe if i didn't transfer, will things be still the same? i've always had that thought before.
back then, there we're no such .. dramas. and no.. i wasn't referring to someone. or wait, i don't know.
and i don't think.. uh.. damn i seriously dunno how to say it.

damn.. i just want everyone to be honest. it kinda, no. it really makes me sad.
but right now.. i'm just going with the flow. i don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. i think which explains why i'm not saying straight things too much.
i'm being aware of what i'm saying these days. reeeeeaaaalllllyyy careful.
i don't want to snap too. it might give the other side the wrong idea.

oh and please.. i'm not referring to anyone.. well maybe a little.

sigh.. so tomorrow's another day?
i don't really wanna be a mean person. they've been so kind to me and i don't want them to give the wrong impression. i'm being self conscious huh.. =="
and yes i'm aware. this post doesn't make sense at all.
they're random feelings.

i just.. had to blurt it out.
so i guess changes are slowly.. coming huh.
i should prepare myself. i don't wanna cry.
crying is being weak. that's what i always thought.

changes... slowly...

Labels: Extra:, My Feelings